Sunday 7 February 2016

Don't look over your shoulder, the sunset's at your back

....and we're movin' on, dn-dn-dn......movin' on..... (I'm hoping at least Gypsy Mama and Aramis can sing along.)

Movin' on. Last evening I moved the boob pillow out of the nursery into the basement. It was a hit with AJ in the new setting, as she has recently discovered the sensory pleasure of soft fluffy things.



I'm not totally ready to say she's weaned, but I haven't boob fed since last Monday and everything is good. No problems falling asleep. AJ hadn't been falling asleep at the boob in a long time anyway. The truth is, it was probably Mommy who most wanted that last snuggle and suckle of the day. I had no timeline for weaning her off the breast; I figured AJ would make it clear when she was ready and she has.

I find the best way to handle AJ's milestones is to not make a big deal out of them. Still the end of breastfeeding is a little harder to accept. It means letting go in a very tangible way of the things that made her an adored infant. At the same time my strongest emotion by far is gratitude for AJ's development and increasing skills. She ate successfully at the breast from the beginning. And then that she transitioned well to solid food. She can feed herself some foods with a spoon now. Everything has gone the way it is supposed to. It's been an easy transition, but still a transition, with many emotions. (It seems impossible to even write this paragraph without overusing the words "but" and "still.") I am still lactating, which makes me kind of sad; I wish the milk would just disappear so I don't have to think about it not being used. But so far at least I haven't been uncomfortable. I haven't read anything on how to go about this; I figure I'll let nature take its course. I hope that's not a dumb idea but I really don't want to prevaricate on it.

I've known since about November that AJ wasn't  relying on the breast for eating. It was a comfort thing, but she's learned other ways to seek comfort (like biting her blanket before she goes to sleep). We still have lots of cuddles before bedtime, and I love when she goes to sleep in my arms. (I know, that's not how you're supposed to "sleep train," but generally AJ sleeps through the night and naps about 2 hours at home and daycare: I don't begrudge her the cuddles! On the other hand sometimes she doesn't want to be cuddled to sleep. She'd rather do this thing where she half gets up, and then flops down in the crib. And up, and flop. Until she's too tired and stays down. Also freaking adorable.)

Oh, and because there's always room for Rankin Family nostalgia on torthúil: here is the music video  for "Movin' On" released in 1998.  The Rankins were still in their 30s here. It was barely a year before Raylene retired from the band to spend more time with her infant son and only child (born after repeated miscarriages). Two years before John Morris died in a car accident, leaving two young children. Fourteen years before Raylene passed away from breast cancer. Yeah, I think a lot about death lately. I don't know if the remaining siblings will ever perform as a collective again, but on a more cheerful note: Jimmy (married and two kids) has a successful solo career; Heather is releasing her first album; John Morris's daughter is experiencing success with her indie rock band Alvvays; and I assume Cookie is happily married to her music producer husband (no kids).

Moving on can be sad, but as I like to say when I'm in a cheerful mood: The good times today have to come to an end so we can get to the good times in the future.

12 comments:

  1. Wow, that is a transition. SB is still nursing quite a lot in comparison, and I'm already somewhat sad about the prospect of that ending. But, just like you, I love seeing her grow up and become independent, and that's part of it. Plus she'll have to stop before we can think about a sibling for her, as I don't want to take that extra risk factor for preterm labor. But yeah, bittersweet.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It really is a privilege to be able to nurse as long as it feels right. Yah, many emotions.

      Delete
  2. I'm definitely familiar with the Rankins, how could I not be?

    Sounds like weaning is going quite well for you. I was so nervous to do it because I actually don't think Paloma was 100% ready but she's doing fine now. It's bittersweet though, for sure.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know, I was erring on the side of more boob feeding is better. If AJ had in any way seemed deprived by weaning I wouldn't do it. But she really doesn't. Glad the transition was mo big deal for Paloma!

      Delete
  3. Weaning. What an emotional thing. I sort of weaned B accidentally... once I dropped to two feedings a day, I was hoping we could stick with that for a few months and instead I just stopped producing enough and we switched entirely to milk. It happened in a week and I didn't really have time to process until after the fact. I definitely miss that time, but I guess we just have to find it elsewhere?

    I spend a lot of time thinking about how that might have been my only chance to breastfeed ever...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh yes, those "is it the last time" thoughts can permeate everything. Yes, it's important to find new ways to bond. I figure that's the way of life!

      Delete
  4. I am kind of looking forward to weaning. I always planned to breastfeed Bubs until she was at least 12 months if possible, and we have been lucky in how well it has gone for us. Hopefully weaning will be a nice, smooth transition! I will probably miss it once we finish though.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is nice to not have your body at someone else's command 24 hours a day haha. I still think that bf'ing is the most practical way of feeding a baby when it works, but it is demanding. It was a relief to be able to bring food snacks for AJ instead of pulling out the boobs. And to not have to pump, ugh, I do not miss pumping! But it is such a nice cuddly bonding time, too. I hope everything goes well for you!

      Delete
  5. Wow, made me a little emotional to read and the super cute pillow cuddling pictures took it up a notch. That is awesome that she still cuddles with you. I really hope Z will cuddle after she is weaned, because right now the only time she holds still to cuddle is for morning and naptime nursing. At bedtime she is climbing up me while latched and after some reflection I think that she could easily drop the bedtime nursing session, which I had always thought would be last to go, but not the case for us.

    Oh and I had no idea on the band. Had to look them up, Canadian! ;-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think it's an emotional time in our children's development! or wait, has it been an emotional time all along....I think the rest of our lives will be emotional! AJ really only lets herself be cuddled when she's sleepy, but she does give big slobber kisses sometimes. It's also cute to see her hug her stuffies and plop herself down on soft pillows. How cute that Z climbs on you while nursing. They all have something adorable that they do. How full can a heart get?

      Tee hee, I'm glad you looked up the Rankin Family! They were "big" in the 90s (well big for a folksy band). I adored them then and I still like their music a lot.

      Delete
  6. I love the pictures of AJ with the boob pillow. I'm sorry that weaning is so emotional, but how could it not be? Time just keeps marching on.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, AJ is so into soft cuddly things now! Loves the pillow and her blankies. Yeah, it's emotional to wean. I thought my milk had finally dried up last night which led me to kind of panic (although I'd been hoping it would). When I realized it hadn't I couldn't resist offering AJ the breast again. She latched on with a mouthful of teeth, which somewhat helped me to remember the various reasons why weaning is a good idea lol. Still, I'm glad to feel the emotions. They mean I'm a mom, and I'm lucky to have these experiences. Even when AJ has to move on, and I have to move on.

      Delete